There’s a saying that goes, “leap and the net will appear.” That’s one scary leap when there is no net in sight. I’ve made several of these throughout my life, but this last one might have been the scariest. Maybe it’s because I’m older now and making a habit of over-hauling my whole life suddenly seemed a bit, I don’t know, immature. ‘Is this becoming a pattern?’ I wondered.
But as I thought through my situation- being in an unhappy marriage without a mutual desire to fix it while living in a foreign country away from my family and friends- and looked at it from every angle it just seemed very clear- this time the over-haul seemed like the absolute most rational thing to do. More rational than almost every other time, with the exception of my choice to leave a cultish religion which included severing ties with very close family members.
Neither time did I leave one familiar life for a new well-defined and planned out one. I left a life I knew for a life that had very little certainty at all.
3 Months ago I left Germany bound for my old home of Asheville, NC knowing only that I had friends who would support me in the building up of my new life. I had no job, no address of my own, and no prospects. I had no idea if it’d take me 6 months, 1 year, or a week to find a job. I didn’t know if living with friends I’d never lived with before would actually work out well, or if we’d end up in a tense situation.
What I did know was that it was the right thing to do, to leave the situation I was in, and that this action alone would uncover opportunities, relationships, & experiences I couldn’t possibly foresee that would be a part of creating a life that was right for me. By that same token I knew if I had stayed where I was out of fear of the unknown, I would continue to suffer and success of any kind wouldn’t be possible. I’d be stuck. I don’t want to spend any time in this one shot I get at life stuck.
So I said goodbye. I got on a plane. I landed in Charlotte. I drove to my best friend’s house and hung out for a couple of weeks with her and her kids in Wilmington. I spent almost all of the money I had on a car. And then I drove to Asheville.
Today, nearly 3 months after my arrival I am enjoying the benefits of trusting my intuition, and ultimately, of trusting life. I’m living with my good friend and her husband and son, who I also now consider my good friends. They have a beautiful house on a mountain and I’m surrounded by nature and wildlife and fresh air every day, as well as love, acceptance, and laughter. I feel so welcome. They’ve told me several times that I’m welcome to stay as long as I need. I think they actually enjoy my being here! Woot to that!
I’ve also been working for over a month at a job I really enjoy. It started out as part-time and as of this week it is a full-time position. I have weekends and evenings off and get to arrange my schedule however I like. The people I work with are great and I definitely see the possibility of developing good friendships with some of them. The job came about through a friend, and it was only the second job I interviewed for just one week after I began searching. So lucky!
I’ve reconnected with old friends and I’ve also met plenty of incredible new people. I’m never lonely, and I’m never bored! My ex and I are managing to stay in touch and be friends. I didn’t necessarily expect that, but I’m really enjoying it. I really feel that he cares for me and wants me to be happy, and I want the same for him. I’m so grateful that we’ve managed to achieve peace between us. It’s really wonderful to not have to carry the burden of resentment, anger, or blame over the failure of our marriage. We’ve accepted our reality, and we’ve gotten beyond it.
Things are going very well for him as well! I’m not the only one enjoying successful outcomes after our difficult split. He has found a great new job and is moving to Asia.
I’m hoping that sometime this summer, my little fur ball and I will be into our own dwelling and I’ll have achieved yet another level of independence. For now I’m working and saving money, enjoying my relationships and continuing to nurture myself and be grateful for the people in my life who receive me with open arms and offer themselves in times of need. It’s not always easy to accept help, but it’s good to remember that it’s an opportunity not only for me but the ones who show up for me. Giving and receiving are both healing and nurturing practices.
So that’s the update! The takeaway: listen to your gut. Trust yourself. Trust life.
Be you and enjoy it!
